My husband Tim is a really creative communicator. It is one of things that helps him to be a really engaging preacher, and one of the things that I love about him. But he has a way of putting things that often is quite powerful, and sometimes that can be a bit confronting.
The other day was one of those times. We were talking about something that he had been thinking about in relation to church planting, and I was "talking him out of it". And he said to me a very thought-provoking phrase that has been running through my head ever since. "Darling, I need a wife, not a hand-brake".
It is a powerful image.
It is particularly powerful because Tim is the car-driver in our relationship, and I am usually sitting in the passenger seat next door. And I was immediately struck with the picture of Tim, driving along and me just reaching out and putting on the hand-brake. I know from a few forgetful incidents: you can still drive with the hand-brake on, but it is definitely a hindrance.
And I suspect this is a common issue within church planting marriages.
My observation, of Tim and others, is that church planters are dreamers and ideas men. They are risk-takers who are willing to try things. You would be hard pressed to find someone who was willing to try church planting who wasn't a risk taker! :) But that doesn't mean that their wives are the same. And while I definitely have some risk taker in me, I am a deliberate thinker and planner. I like to have things sorted out. I immediately think through the problems and hurdles and practicalities in any plan. And this too is a strength, and one that partners well with Tim's.
But how do I use it?
My temptation is just to let my fears rise up and to just list off the problems straight away. To be the hand-break. But that is not helpful. What Tim needs is a wife. Someone to listen. Someone to take seriously his ideas. That doesn't mean that I don't talk through my concerns, that doesn't mean that I don't raise the practicalities. It just means that my first response is to listen, not to put on the hand-brake. I want to take Proverbs 18:13 as my mantra "To speak without listening, that is folly and shame.
And so often, when I do listen, when I do think, when I do wait, I realise the idea is actually great, and I find myself thinking "How can I help Tim make this happen?" rather than "How can I talk Tim out of this?" And even if I'm still unsure, Tim is the leader of the church and I need to be the first in line to trust and follow him.
As I write this post, I can't help thinking about the year that has been, and how far I have fallen short in serving Tim. How many times I have been a hand-break rather than a helper! How thankful I am for grace (the gift from God, not the church this time!). None of us get these things right, wives or husbands. But Father God in his grace uses faulty people to grow his kingdom and plant his churches. And he forgives and his Spirit changes us to be more like his Son.
Father, please help me to be a helper not a handbrake. Amen
Belinda
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
"Church Planter's Wife"?
When I was first asked about writing a blog like this, I wrote about it on one of my other blogs. And a friend immediately came back to me with a very helpful and interesting question.
Why a blog about being a church planters "wife"? Aren't you church planting too, same as Tim?".
It's a questions that I've been pondering ever since.
The friend had commented this partly because they had observed in the way I had talked about Grace, I had shown how excited I was about what we were doing, how involved I was, how much Tim and I worked together in the process.
And when you look at my working week, and what I do, I think its fair to say that I am pretty involved. In many ways I "work" for the church the same way that I work in University ministry, my other two days a week. The only difference is that I'm not paid for it. But its still ministry, and its still (under God) an important part of church planting.
And this, I find is the reality for most people I know who are wives involved in a church plant. There may be some women out there, for whom work or family means that they have no involvement with serving at church (be it meeting with women, teaching Sunday School, setting up chairs, whatever). But I'm yet to meet that women :). I think that is partly the nature of church planting- that there is much to do and limited resources and everyone (whether they are part of an initial "couple" or not) all end up doing something.
So, should I just make this blog about being "A female church planter" or "A member of a church planting team"?
No.
Because there is something unique in this position that I am in. And it was talking to Tim after this initial question that helps me clarify what I was already feeling.
When I asked Tim what he thought about the title "Church planter's wife", he made an interesting observation. His concern with the title was mainly in the fact that he didn't like being called "A Church Planter"! He felt it was unhelpful because Church planting was a team effort, and many of the people in the church were involved in "church planting". Not just him. He said his preferred way of talking about his role was as "A Church plant leader".
And in many ways, its the 'leadership' involved in church planting, not just the church planting itself, that has such unique struggles. It's the pressure, it's the decision making, it's the expectations, it's the 'buck stops with you' nature that makes Church Planting Leading, in many ways, a unique Christian ministries. It is an incredibly demanding role. It is also a bit of a lonely role.
And in that world, I have an important part to play. I am the partner. I am the support. I am the cheers squad. I am the one who is on his side no matter what. And while everything I do for the church plant is important, this being a support to Tim is actually one of the most important things, because no one else in his life (besides Jesus of course!) has such power to encourage him in what he is doing. And not just in a "good job honey" kind of way. I can be someone who points him to Jesus and the Gospel. But more about that in future posts.
So, I guess I would describe myself as a Church Plant leader's wife. And even though that doesn't sound quite as glamorous as a "church planter", it's actually a really important job. And a really hard job.
And that's why I hope to encourage others in it. Because it is unique, and it's hard. And it's so important.
Belinda
Why a blog about being a church planters "wife"? Aren't you church planting too, same as Tim?".
It's a questions that I've been pondering ever since.
The friend had commented this partly because they had observed in the way I had talked about Grace, I had shown how excited I was about what we were doing, how involved I was, how much Tim and I worked together in the process.
And when you look at my working week, and what I do, I think its fair to say that I am pretty involved. In many ways I "work" for the church the same way that I work in University ministry, my other two days a week. The only difference is that I'm not paid for it. But its still ministry, and its still (under God) an important part of church planting.
And this, I find is the reality for most people I know who are wives involved in a church plant. There may be some women out there, for whom work or family means that they have no involvement with serving at church (be it meeting with women, teaching Sunday School, setting up chairs, whatever). But I'm yet to meet that women :). I think that is partly the nature of church planting- that there is much to do and limited resources and everyone (whether they are part of an initial "couple" or not) all end up doing something.
So, should I just make this blog about being "A female church planter" or "A member of a church planting team"?
No.
Because there is something unique in this position that I am in. And it was talking to Tim after this initial question that helps me clarify what I was already feeling.
When I asked Tim what he thought about the title "Church planter's wife", he made an interesting observation. His concern with the title was mainly in the fact that he didn't like being called "A Church Planter"! He felt it was unhelpful because Church planting was a team effort, and many of the people in the church were involved in "church planting". Not just him. He said his preferred way of talking about his role was as "A Church plant leader".
And in many ways, its the 'leadership' involved in church planting, not just the church planting itself, that has such unique struggles. It's the pressure, it's the decision making, it's the expectations, it's the 'buck stops with you' nature that makes Church Planting Leading, in many ways, a unique Christian ministries. It is an incredibly demanding role. It is also a bit of a lonely role.
And in that world, I have an important part to play. I am the partner. I am the support. I am the cheers squad. I am the one who is on his side no matter what. And while everything I do for the church plant is important, this being a support to Tim is actually one of the most important things, because no one else in his life (besides Jesus of course!) has such power to encourage him in what he is doing. And not just in a "good job honey" kind of way. I can be someone who points him to Jesus and the Gospel. But more about that in future posts.
So, I guess I would describe myself as a Church Plant leader's wife. And even though that doesn't sound quite as glamorous as a "church planter", it's actually a really important job. And a really hard job.
And that's why I hope to encourage others in it. Because it is unique, and it's hard. And it's so important.
Belinda
Monday, November 12, 2012
Why "Planting Partner", and who am I?
My name is Belinda. I love writing, cooking, walking, talking (alot) and spending time with people. I live in Melbourne, and I love it. I loath housework and have a great fear of wild snakes and wild mice (domestic, friendly versions of both are acceptable). I hope the snakes eat the mice, and then go far away from me!
I also love Jesus. He is my Saviour and Lord and I want him to be honoured in my life. I am so grateful that he loves and forgives me, despite my sin! And my passion is that others would come to know the life that is found in him.
So, why I am starting this blog?
Well, at the start of this year, my husband and I took on the task of starting a new church (commonly known as a "church plant") in the Box Hill area of Melbourne. We began with a small team, and began meeting to learn from Gods word, to grow in our love of God and each other, and to pray for our friends who didn't know Jesus. We are now around 30 people.
We are also part of an organisation called "Geneva", which is a network for church planters. And I was asked by Geneva if I would be interested in blogging about the unique challenges of being a church-plant leader's wife.
This might seem a very specific subject! But I have found over this year that there are very specific challenges in my situation; very unique joys and struggles. I hope that somehow sharing some of my thinking and experiences, both as a member of a church planting team and as a wife of a church-plant leader, I might be able to encourage people both who are involved in church plants, but also those who are serving in any churches, or who are involved in ministry-marriages.
I don't claim to be an expert. I am a learner and a sinner. But I pray and hope as a stubble through the challenges of being a planting partner, that it might be an instructive and helpful process for others, as it has been for me.
In Christ,
Belinda
I also love Jesus. He is my Saviour and Lord and I want him to be honoured in my life. I am so grateful that he loves and forgives me, despite my sin! And my passion is that others would come to know the life that is found in him.
So, why I am starting this blog?
Well, at the start of this year, my husband and I took on the task of starting a new church (commonly known as a "church plant") in the Box Hill area of Melbourne. We began with a small team, and began meeting to learn from Gods word, to grow in our love of God and each other, and to pray for our friends who didn't know Jesus. We are now around 30 people.
We are also part of an organisation called "Geneva", which is a network for church planters. And I was asked by Geneva if I would be interested in blogging about the unique challenges of being a church-plant leader's wife.
This might seem a very specific subject! But I have found over this year that there are very specific challenges in my situation; very unique joys and struggles. I hope that somehow sharing some of my thinking and experiences, both as a member of a church planting team and as a wife of a church-plant leader, I might be able to encourage people both who are involved in church plants, but also those who are serving in any churches, or who are involved in ministry-marriages.
I don't claim to be an expert. I am a learner and a sinner. But I pray and hope as a stubble through the challenges of being a planting partner, that it might be an instructive and helpful process for others, as it has been for me.
In Christ,
Belinda
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